I was sad today. This afternoon, I slept in my room before getting ready for class. The lighting at my house was a bit gray and made doing tasks more difficult as it gave that “nakakatamad” type of feel.
I was feeling okay. As I was on my way to class, I couldn’t help but feel a little sad. I didn’t know what was making me feel that way. Walking to class didn’t feel like a drag, but I wasn’t so excited either, though it was our first Theo class since Christmas break. It was like I was apathetic or something.
I got to my classroom and I wasn’t sure which door would lead me to the front or back of the room, but I didn’t care that much and picked whichever. I felt the sadness drawn on my face, but nonetheless, I forced a smile.
Realizing there was a seat plan to be followed, I was baffled. I completely forgot where I was supposed to sit. I just stood there like I didn’t see eyes on me, even talking to myself, asking where I was supposed to sit while I was scanning the area.
When I got comfy on my seat at last, I looked at my phone. The professor chatted me up about our homework, I went to him to clarify some things, read what I’ve researched, blah blah.
I was seated on the last row. On my right, there was no wall to lean on. What’s there was a huge glass window. It was on the second floor of the building and from there I could see the other buildings, trees, walkways and some space in the parking lot.
I started to contemplate and I figured I’d text one of my friends. It dawned on me that it was my failed relationships again that was making me upset. That friend I had in mind was someone I was close to more than a year ago. Then I figured I just wouldn’t because she’d probably left the school by then, and I wanted to meet up with them.
Fast forward to 6pm. We were dismissed early. I sent a text to one of my friends (different friend), asking if they were busy. I actually wanted to call them because I just couldn’t take it. My emotions were controlling me. She didn’t reply right away so I thought it wasn’t such a good time for them to take a call.
Mom said she’d be at the Church so I went there, etc etc.
On the way home, mom and I had a little fight. I wanted to eat out for fries and junk food to cheer me up a bit. She disagreed. She didn’t know I was being all emotional so I guess that I kinda messed up.
When we got home, we had dinner, I watched an episode of our favorite series with my sibling. After that, mom went to me and said she noticed I was feeling down. Idk, maybe she saw it when we got home. We had a little talk about something and the little talk led to me and my relationships. When mom and I were done talking, I gave myself more room for thinking and organizing my thoughts.
When mom was in the room, my eyes got watery. Then she went out to the living room and watched one of her shows. Not long after, there were tears on my cheeks.
I feel better now, but there are things to be done. I’m glad I was able to meet up with my best friend this morning before I had to get ready for class and all. Sometimes I feel like I don’t even have to have a reason for meeting with friends. Their mere presence keeps me inspired and appreciate life for what it is, and makes me feel responsible for taking care of them because friends are one of the blessings that God has showered upon us.
